Treating Interpersonal Anxiety
Committing to Mindful Exposure to Images
Read the following affirmations with their commentaries. This will provide you a sound understanding of this important practice.
#1
Facilitator: People leave impressions!
Practitioners: My mind is populated with the images of people!
Our minds are indeed populated with the impressions of myriad people. Each of these images suggests a specific circumstance or relationship, as when we dream about someone in particular. These internalized relationships play out in our awakened state.
#2
Facilitator: Images of some people stay with us!
Practitioners: I accept the presence of all images!
When we select to accept the presence of all the images in our minds, we are allowing more into our conscious awareness. Some of this additional content is disturbing. It is important to concede that the intent to be open to all images does not mean that we do not practice suppression of some images, as the mechanism of suppression is necessary to function. What we intend to do is to courageously interrupt our maladjusted avoidance, and begin to cultivate less bias perspective on our experiences. Before we commit ourselves to initiating such open-mindedness, we need to cultivate a coping mode that is equal to the job. Psychological theorist Aaron Beck uses the term de-centering to describe an adaptive mode in which a person refrains from personalizing impersonal events.
Children and adolescents do not deliberately de-center. They naively believe that their experiences are directly related to who they are. There is little psychological distance from automatic inferences and impressions during these years. With maturing, the self-referencing gradually dissolves. However, we remain, in varying degrees, prone to the same perceptual errors. We might, for instance, be involved in a robbery or even a natural disaster and ask as a child would: “Why me? How is it that I deserve this?” So personalizing persists and it is often unhelpful.
If we personalized everything that came across our minds, we would be taking responsibility for the rule of nature itself. It is not all about us, nor are we all about us. The wisdom of de-centering allows us to look at our own lives as phenomena. Our joy is not only our joy but universal joy unto itself; our shame is not only our shame, but the universal archetype of shame forming through us. This is not rationalizing, or self-deception. It is waking up. Living is a cosmic, as well as personal event.
We see the impersonal, universal archetypes like evil and compassion forming through our lives. It’s a great relief to realize that nature is what is expressing as ourselves. We still, however, maintain our sense of accountability for our actions, because it is natural to do so. Yet, we simultaneously acknowledge that we are manifestations of that which exists eternally. The propensities that have determined our behaviors and experiences are universal, not personal. This de-centering allows us to dare to accept the presence of all images in the same way that a mirror reflects all images without partiality. Reality may be personalized, yet its nature is impersonal and lawful.
#3
Facilitator: Some images are comforting and some disturbing!
Practitioners: I accept my experience completely!
The image of your mother (or caregiver) will continue to abide with you whether she was warm and reasonable or cold and irrational. The image of The Mother is a foundational image that informs a broader understanding of human relationships. When there are disturbances related to such a key image, our lives are equivalently impacted. A mother that was a rage-aholic, codependent, or manipulative will leave residual impressions that may distort our worldview. This internalized disturbance cannot be discarded, though it may be the source of our defensiveness and doubt. We can not repress the image of The Mother without causing additional harm to an already wounded psyche. Thus, we must accept the image and rally our resources to restructure our relationship with her. Mindful Exposure to the Images of People provides a means to do this.
Evolving, even in our imagination, inevitably requires new resources. The work that you do in arriving at and sustaining meditative placement influences your capacity to utilize imaginal exposure. The practice of entering meditative placement helps as it generates new schemas of the Healthy Adult Mode. These schemas foster both autonomy and de-centering. We then have the conceptions of a new way of being which provides options to improve existing relationships.
#4
Facilitator: Trying to escape an image poses a dilemma!
Practitioners: I am the images in my mind!
The images that abide in our minds organize as our sense of personal reality. Since our instincts selected the significant images that inhabit our minds, they are deep- rooted, resilient and somehow necessary. This may be a difficult circumstance for some of us who may have endured sexual exploitation or may have behaved regrettably. Shame and guilt are difficult feelings to cope with. Failing to accept distressing images unfortunately may leave us torn. This is the dilemma. Here again, deliverance from such suffering requires the wisdom of de-centering.
#5
Facilitator: An image can be oppressive!
Practitioners: I face the images that would oppress me!
Some of the images in our minds may be oppressors. The oppressor images may be associated with the actual experiences of oppression from other people. They may strike fear into the image of you. You may then become chronically oppressed by an image in your mind that has been incorporated into your self-conception.
Changing the relationship between the image of you and the image of your oppressor is work that may be done in Mindful Exposure to the Images of People. Our sense of victimization, powerlessness, and even terror may have old roots. Ironically, the image of the oppressor provides a catalyst for profound change. We unapologetically face-down the images that would oppress us.
#6
Facilitator: Our relationship to an image evolves!
Practitioners: I establish resolution with all my images!
As we evolve so do the images in our minds. Committing ourselves to a lifetime of growth and transformation entails the ongoing work of establishing resolution with all the images that populate our minds.
Orient your investigation by watching Treating Interpersonal Anxiety:
Here’s the Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFCT4ASfuBA
Using Mindful Exposure to the Images of People to Re-Parent Your Inner Child
When we select to re-parent our inner child we differentiate ourselves from that image. We assume a healthy parent perspective and take charge of the childlike and wounded aspects of our personality. Doing this may be healing in itself, as the inner child and his array of unsophisticated coping modes may at times dictate our behavior. Entering the role of the parent shifts us into a different organization of coping modes.
Your intention is to “set things right,” generating order in your mind where disorder may exist. You “set things right” by adjusting the relationships between the image of you and the images of others within your own mind’s eye. You are going to adjust your own inner reality. The following are guidelines to initiate the practice of re-parenting the image of your inner child. Read and consider them thoroughly before trying the practice.
Retreat to a safe place where you are comfortable and feel that you have privacy. Your intention is to close your eyes and enter your inner world. This is the realm of memories, images and imaginings. Open an image of an upsetting event when you were a child. When you identify the upsetting image, note how old you are and what the circumstances are. Note too, the environment that you are in, recalling the setting and the associated people. Explore this event, exposing you to the distress. Allow yourself to quietly experience the imaged events.
Now let the image of your adult self enter the upsetting event, and place your adult self squarely in the imaged setting. You will defend your Inner Child. Turn to the images of the other people in the event and communicate through thoughts or words exactly what you see going on. Stand up to all images and communicate directly to them. If there is deprivation or even abuse, make each imaged person understand what he or she doesn’t understand. If they are offensive, let yourself be appropriately angry. If they are sad, let yourself feel the appropriate grief. Be completely unapologetic about your presence.
When you finish addressing the images of the others in the upsetting event turn to the image of your own inner child. Provide that child with the comforting knowledge of your concerned presence. Communicate through thoughts or words. Provide assurances that you are taking charge and that you will always remain present. You are here for good.
Commune, then, with the image of your Inner Child. You may touch your inner child to provide comfort and allow the child to experience relief. After spending some time in quite communion with The Image, gently dissolve this image in your mind, and enter the safe haven of meditative placement, letting go of all images and opinions. As you enter meditative placement, allow your affective state to respond to the comforting activity of breathing. Allow sounds to resonate through your body without looking for any meaning. Courageously and generously let all things be unto themselves.
Let us now list the procedures:
- Sit upright. Cast your gaze toward the ground about 4-5 feet in front of you. You may then select to close your eyes. Begin breathing steadily. Gently still your body without allowing yourself to become rigid. Imagine yourself as you are—in mindfulness meditation.
- Then, allow an image of you as a child in an upsetting circumstance to come forth. Recall the setting, the feelings, the people involved.
- Now, generate an image of you as a healthy adult and enter the scene. Allow all images to be conscious of your adult presence. Communicate with all the associated adult images by informing them of your perspective. Be fully unapologetic about your presence and your point of view.
- Then, commune with your inner child providing understanding, protection and assurances.
- Gently bring closure to your imagining, withdrawing your attention from conceptualizing so as to enter meditative placement. Let go completely, generously and courageously allowing all things to be unto themselves.
End the imaginal exposure in the safe haven of meditative placement.
Treating Past and Present Relationships with Mindful-Exposure to the Images of People
In this healing imagery you are going to pay special attention to the relationship you have with the images of other people. Your intention, once again, is to “set things right,” generating order in your mind where disorder may exist. You “set things right” by adjusting the relationships between the image of you and the images of other people. In other words, you are going to adjust your inner reality.
It is critical to be mindful of the fact that all these images lie within your own mind. All images are equivalent to you. There is no image in your mind that is not you. Thus, you may readily communicate from one image to another. Read the following guidelines thoroughly before trying the practice.
Open an image that is unsettling. Note the environment that you are in, including the setting and the associated people. Explore this event, exposing you to the distress. Radically accept your experience and adjust your affective state so as to arrive at a healthy adult condition. Do not be stopped by fear and doubt. Allow all images to sense your presence. Be fully unapologetic about anything you feel or think. Communicate either verbally or through thought. Change relationships between your image and the image of the other persons to promote equity and respect. Change inequalities to equalities, change shyness to assertiveness, change fear to courage.
Do this straightforwardly and overtly.
Then maintain your image, remaining in the presence of these other images. Sense the emotional atmosphere of your image, allowing all the other images to be informed of your perspective and state of being. Then appropriately close the image and enter the safe haven of meditative placement.
Let us now review the procedures:
- Sit upright. Cast your gaze toward the ground about 4-5 feet in front of you. You may then select to close your eyes. Begin breathing steadily. Gently still your body without allowing yourself to become rigid. Imagine yourself as you are—in mindfulness meditation.
- Then, allow an image of a disturbing event to come forth.
- Now, generate an image of you as a healthy adult and enter the scene. Let us remember that the healthy adult is not codependent, is not readily victimized and is invested with authority. Allow all images to be conscious of your presence. Communicate verbally or mentally with all the associated images by informing them of your perspective.
Creating a new order may require communicating with the images telling them what you see, what you feel and what would be preferable. Be fully unapologetic about your presence and your point of view. (If you are confronting a highly threatening image, it may be necessary to imagine a barrier or even to be armed). Maintain your presence with these images for a duration. - Then, appropriately bring closure to your imagining withdrawing your attention from conceptualizing so as to enter meditative placement. Let go completely, generously and courageously allowing all things to be unto themselves.
End the imaginal exposure in the safe haven of meditative placement.
Mindful-Reunion with Images of People
Here is another important application, using Mindful Exposure to the Images of People. In this practice we adjust to the presence of beloved friends, family, respected people, and foes. This may be an important practice for those who are enduring symptoms of social anxiety and are addicted to status seeking. Here we imaginally join with others, letting go of our self-absorption and our excessive concern about how we are perceived. You may readily initiate this gentle practice at any time while practicing meditation. It is important to recall that imaginal exposure, as helpful as it is, is not equivalent to meditative placement. Thus, always maintain the distinction.
Instruction: Sit upright. Cast your gaze toward the ground about 4-7 feet in front of you. You may then select to close your eyes. Begin steady breathing. Gently still your body, without allowing yourself to become rigid. Imagine yourself as you are-- in mindfulness meditation. Then introduce the images of significant people. You may introduce and image of you, perhaps as a child, your mother, friends or unfriendly people. You will expose yourself to these images, adjusting to their presence, and cultivating calm.
I have utilized this practice extensively eliciting the presence of distinguished people and cultural heroes. During times when I had difficulty with racing thoughts, I would conjure the image of the Buddha who would stand behind me and place his hand on my upper back to stabilize and assure me. At other times I would create a circle of meditators, and place the images of some of my heroes in seats to my left and right. I would have them place their palms over my hands and then allow myself to withdraw my attention from them, and concentrate on attending my breath and physical presence. This dismissal of their presence actualized the normalization of my relationship with them. Withdrawing excessive attention from any image actualizes the normalization of that relationship. You let go of being controlling and “mind your own business.”
You also may invite images of significant people to sit with you in meditation thereby enlisting them in your recovery and evolution. Or, you may evoke them in some other way that you believe appropriate. Bring as few or as many people (images) as you like. As stated, you may select friends or foes.
What is most important is to expose yourself to the presence of these images, even as you continue to breathe steadily remaining mindful of the present moment. After sufficient exposure to the images, you will relinquish attending to the images and enter meditative placement. This withdrawal from engaging the images strengthens your capacity to remain focused.
You have been provided three distinguishable applications of Mindful Exposure to the Images of People. I encourage you to practice them all without any timeframe. Allow yourself time to develop skills gradually, being respectful of your current needs and condition. Imaginal exposure practices complement the practice of meditative placement, and can effectively foster growth and change.
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